I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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