Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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