i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
