peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
