I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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