You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
