This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
