I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My bed is full of blood and feathers
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
