I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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