all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
