I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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