So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
