I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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