How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
