Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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