once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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