I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
