The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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