Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
