Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
