Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
