there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
