This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
