he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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