one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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