she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
you made out with another girl for some wings
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
