my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
