Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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