she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Never underestimate the power of titties
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
