Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
