The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
