U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think people are normalizing furries
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
