cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
