Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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