just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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