How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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