I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
