watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
