do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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