Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Everything about him screamed your future.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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