If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
