Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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