I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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