Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
