but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
