this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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