508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
there was a trapeze. enough said
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
