talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
