Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
