Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
