The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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