I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
